Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room; well I'm here with you...

"We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive."
-- Changes (2Pac)

Yes, I am a big fan of this particular rap song. A lot of bizarre things seem to be taking place these days. The rap song, the non-mixed blond, and the latest on bizarre occurrences, twice already this holiday season have I been messaged by Fiona McDonald. Only once before these last two times has she ever messaged me (which makes sense considering we used to just say whatever we wanted to see to each other face to face). But let me pose this question. Does it make any sense for someone to have beef with you in real life but be perfectly amicable and seemingly sensitive on MSN? Cause that's this habit Fiona seems to have and it's completely and utterly bizarre from my point of view. After she found some reason to dislike me (I don't actually know the reason) and not speaking to me for the last 2 months of first semester, she messages me twice during the holidays and talks about how she misses me and the floor and Queen's in general and proceeds to talk like we've been on the best of terms for the past 2 months when in actual fact, that couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm not on really close terms with anyone on my floor, but if there was one person during the last 2 months who I really didn't like cause she was unfriendly and turned a cold shoulder, it was this very girl. Now, I've long since given up on trying to understand the fairer sex but still... there has to be SOME rationale behind this.

Anyhow, it's the last day of 2005 and what can I say. Like Grant says, we've grown to prefer the year to "start" in September and "end" in August because school really marks the beginning and end of a yearly period a whole lot more accurately than January 1st. But regardless, looking back on 2005 (January onwards), I have to admit that it was a year where almost everything went well for me. So even though things MIGHT have been better, no complaints from me. Year in review (highlights):

January - Grant's in the US and sends back giant novelty dice. Stephanie latches onto my arm and declares herself my groupie. I start on my crossword puzzle obsession as my cousin comes to stay and we go downtown to see Mamma Mia, which was a magical experience. I start my obsession with Alanna Chisholm's voice. Lindsay turns 15. Grant also returns from the US.

February - Got accepted to Waterloo while my cousin goes on a Yellowcard rampage and puts Only One on a continuous loop for an entire day. I kid you not. Watched a documentary on gay marriage in World Issues class. Chinese New Year takes TCMS by a storm as half the population disappears for the day. Rosanne gets an anonymous Valentine-o-gram from JonathanL. Went on my third Model UN trip.

March - Hisham and Caroline turn 18. Got accepted to McMaster and Guelph. I begin coaching elementary and high school badminton. Wrote to the mayor of Markham, asking for Model UN funds. I've not yet heard back from him. I get accepted to Western and go on a fabulously entertaining 3 day LEIMUN trip to Ashtabula Ohio.

April - I return from LEIMUN trip. Talent show organizing begins and I am thrown into a panic due to a lack of bandmates. Convince Appo to play guitar, and Stephanie volunteers to sing. I spend countless hours in the practice room with Ms. Brooke trying to help Jackie and Vanessa sing in tune and on time. I lead the badminton team to glorious victory. Dulcinea turns eighteen and Ms. Brooke and I give up on Jackie and Vanessa and resort to having Megan sing with them. Talent show comes and goes. Stephanie sings to me on stage the morning of the show. At the hockey tournament, men from other teams romp around nude. I get accepted to Queen's.

May - Elaine convinces me to choose Queen's over Western. David turns 18. As all hell breaks loose amongst the grade 10s, JonathanL asks Rosanne to prom. Elaine meets Mujahid. Watch Return of the Sith at David's birthday. At said birthday, Andrew punches Michael in the gonads. After being given food, Stephanie throws herself at me and screams... it causes chaos; not to mention a dent in the lockers. We come in second place at softball and I attend my senior prom. JonathanL and Rosanne are prom king and queen and I am asked to dance by Stephanie during Sarah McLachlan's I Will Remember You. See the old class of 2004 after the prom.

June - I have a sports award ceremony, I have an award created in my honor. Rosanne and JonathanL offically start dating. End grade 12 on a high note with shirt signing and other last-day-of-highschool-isms. I graduate. My parents inform me that had I not gotten a summer job, I could have gone to Melbourne. Attend pre-camp at Camp Robin Hood. Learn about it being a non-denominational Jewish camp.

July - Month begins on a high note with a trip to J & J's Chidaway. Went to Blue Mountain, had a bonfire, and took various pictures of Grant holding a rifle. Start my job as a camp counsellor. My section leader gets pissed on and spends the entire day in the chlorinated pool. I attend numerous interboy socials and get to know Courtney Scott. Also did an overnight with the camp. It was the worst night of my life. Drove all the way to Queen's for the SOAR program to find that it is pointless. Had dinner with Stephanie and her parents... it was a nerve-wracking evening but supposedly went well. Attend interboy social at Adam Vogler's mansion... it was indeed, a mansion.

August - I create my CRH music through the ages CD. Anything Else becomes my movie of the summer. I am obliged to stay on ANOTHER overnight. It was the second worst night of my life. The Jon Wong experience meets up for the first time since prom and have a ball at the Winestock condominium and downtown T-Dot. I am informed that "FOCUS" is an acronym for "Fuck Off Cuz U're Stupid" Stephanie turns 16.

September - I go to Queen's. It's a madhouse but I live on a stellar floor. Roommate is amazing. Frosh week is amazing. I make futuristic predictions by painting 99 Red Balloons on the back of my coveralls before we were informed that it would be our Con-Ed 09 song. September was so hot the humidity triggered the fire alarms. I meet Courtney from the Doorbell room in my frosh group. Homecoming is an absolutely crazy event. I had my first experience doing a girl's laundry. It was not pretty. Jennifer turns 28. Am I still allowed to disclose ages?

October - My brother turns 14, Brett turns 16, Omair turns 18, Grant turns 20, my roommate turns 18, Karen turns 20, I turn 18. I break Tim's G-string... on his guitar. Jon Adamo stumbles into Jessica's room at 3 in the morning, pukes all over her floor, and leaves. I help her clean it up and am instantly held in high regard. Come home for Thanksgiving. Establish Saturday night Breakfast Muesli club. Rachel from the Doorbell room cooks dinner... and I am included.

November - I play in a successful coffeehouse at the end of the month. Nothing else of interest happens.

December - Denise turns 18, Elaine turns 19, Kristina and Andrew turn 16 and 20 respectively... on the same day! Rachel makes me laugh like no other girl has ever done. I create a gift basket for the Doorbell room in light of the fact that over the first semester, I have slept in their room, eaten their food, used their backdoor, used their washrooms, and have probably been a general nuisance. I give up on Stephanie. I come home for Christmas and have a ball. Record 99 Luft Balloons with the Winestock brothers during the Wongstock-Plunkett Christmas gathering. Go to Markville and Unionville mainstreet with the Jon Wong Experience. Grant, full of tact as usual, insists that I leap onto the hood of Elaine's car, press my lips onto her windshield, and inflate my cheeks while she's engaged in serious discussion on her phone. I was given a dryfit shirt, a large neon mudflap girl, and a large porcelain cup that says PIMP on the side. My cousin once removes stays for a few days and we watch King Kong and The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I am sufficiently impressed by Naomi Watts despite her being non-mixed and a blond.

And that's it! That didn't take too horribly long and yet, December 31st 2004 seemed like such a long time ago. Everything's changed since then except for the memories of the good times I had and friends with whom I shared them. Here's to 2005!

"History is just one bloody thing after another!"
-- Sir Herbert Butterfield

So...

So, in the time span of 2 days I have watched King Kong and the Chronicles of Naria. My parents were feeling extravagent in light of the fact that my cousin once removed (my mother and her father are cousins... I think that makes us cousins once removed) was here for the holidays, having done a term at York University. She's gone back to Singapore for her second semester but we had a grand time while she was here. Like I've said before, Singaporean people are good company.

But I digress, The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe I thought was extremely enjoyable to watch. It's funny but the actors and actresses who play Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Mr. Tumnus bore a good deal of resemblance to Peter Goitanich, Beth, Brett, and Grant who played those very same characters in the Somerset rendition of the story in 2000. I mean, you wouldn't mistaken the actors and actresses for Peter, Beth, Brett, and Grant, but there's a certain impression that each character conveyed that both Mr. Berney and the director of this movie seemed to have strove for. At any rate, I thought it was a pretty good flick; well worth the price of the comically high movie tickets. Susan was a little more stiff than I would have imagined her being from reading the book but then again, so was Beth during the 2000 play so maybe I've just read the thing differently.

King Kong... could have had the first hour cut from it and still functioned as a movie. The beast doesn't show up until half way through the 3 hour flick. But it got pretty good once he makes his appearance. The film is rated PG, but I don't know about the scene when they're fighting giant bugs, leeches, and the like... it was kinda freaky. I mean, a giant leech attaches to the guy's head and like... eats his head in a leech-like fashion. You can't possibly tell me that isn't kinda frightening. If anyone is naturally scared of bugs and other creepy crawlies and their ilk, that scene is truly frightening.

While we're on the topic of King Kong, I might as well mention that in my opinion Naomi Watts bears a resemblance to Nicole Kidman in King Kong (which is interesting because the two are apparently best friends), with one notable difference: she was damn good looking in that movie. Some of you may have already guessed why I'm making such a big deal out of this. Naomi Watts is not of mixed decent. Not only that, but she's a blond! If you still don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of this, well, then you don't know my aesthetic tendencies very well.

It's been a good break so far. Let's hope it lasts.

"Winter's cold
We're closing our doors
Snow Angels are what is left
Of them
In my heart
As they drive away
I have to ask myself
Why I had to make it
Like that everyday
I'm sorry I bruised your heart"
-- Snow Angels

It's kinda funny how you can decide to try to move on from something but in some odd twist of coincidences, every fresh event has something in it that reminds you of the thing you're trying to move away from. Take for example today, when despite the wet snow conditions, we decided to make snow angels outside on our front lawn... and last night, when we went to Christmas Eve dinner and there, at the dessert bar, was the only other chocolate fountain I had ever seen in my life. But chocolate fountains are cool. If you've never seen one or used on, I highly suggest you try it one of these days.

By the by, Merry Christmas everyone, I hope everyone's pre-Christmas gatherings and stuff went well because mine sure as hell did (despite not seeing some people, but les femmes, they are irrational). Enjoy the season people, it only comes once a year. Hope you all take a moment and remember the good times you've had and the ones with whom you shared them.

'I think it would suck if only one religion was right. I mean, think about it. It'd be like, "aha, you picked the wrong heaven so now you're damned to hell for all eternity!"'
-- Rachel Manson

She has a talent that one, for making outrageous comments. So, first semester's over and I must say, that was pretty damn fast. Every day went by like it was nothing and consequentially, every week passed in the same fashion and weeks turned into months and there you have it. So now I'm back in th GTA and I have come to an ironic conclusion: I am at my wits end as to getting a meaningful gift for my best friend. Admittedly, nothing could top last year, where if you all remember, I made her a book of quotes complete with illustrations, parchment paper, cover, and binding. That was a 1 month project. Simply put, I'm out of ideas.

"It was only two years ago that I started going on my crazy whoring rampage!"
-- my social facilitator

It's nice to know that my social facilitator lives up to his title. This was at around 3 in the morning yesterday. It was weird returning from the doorbell room at 2 in the morning to find my social facilitator, Jessica, and asexual Christian in my room. Christian took his leave soon thereafter but my social facilitator stayed until 3 and Jess didn't leave until 4. Because both our next door neighbors had gone home, we could afford to be somewhat more raucous than usual, and my social facilitator went on some rant about how we're not having enough sex or some kind of emotional catharsis. He's basically aiming for every single person on the floor to have hooked up by the end of the year. Apparently, that's his job aside from promoting social wellness through having rauchy sex with a multitude of women, hence the "crazy whoring rampage" thing.

It was nice having company in the room for once, even if it was at 4 in the morning.

"It's a pear... with a head and a weird sperm-like tail!"
-- Rachel Manson

In all my life, there has not been a girl who's even come close to making me laugh as much as Rachel Manson. Her family's a pretty quirky bunch which is probably where she gets her weird attributes like her wanting to be a druid, her fascination with cannabilism (at least for now, that's her fascination... it changes), and the random bits of stuff she does research on just to know. We looked up the stats for the possibilities of having twins, triplets, quadruplets, and quintuplets. Believe it or not, your chances of having quintuplets is 1 in 65,615,000. She's the perfect mix between a child and an adult. She has a way of sticking her tongue out when she says something she finds funny; in doing so, her face turns into a complete cartoon character. It's a quality I would term "endearingly funny".

In other news, there really isn't much other news. Screwed for my Music 103 exam tomorrow, but you all know that Music 103 is the bane of my existence. Yeah, my day was absolute crap. You know you're having a bad day when you can't play a single song on the piano without screwing up. Music in all forms is very expressive of one's mood. Whether or not it's your music selection, or your way of playing it, it reveals all. But I went down to the doorbell room in the evening and got my laughs there (see paragraph above) so I feel better about myself.

"If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here it is a red balloon
I think of you and let it go..."
-- 99 Red Balloons

Who was I kidding to think that I might have had a shot for once at making it work right? That it would be whole and pure and good. Just who in the hell was I kidding...

In other news, I hope everyone's exams are going well. One thing I have to say is that if there's one course TCMS did do well in preparing me for, it's sociology. Honestly, every lecture is just a summary of a different social science course I took through the course of my high school years. Too bad sociology isn't a teachable subject otherwise there's no doubt I'd focus my studies that way. It's interesting stuff too. That of course is also notwithstanding the fact that I don't actually know my mark on this exam. But I finished it in half an hour when we were given 3 and I'm fairly sure of my answers so we'll see.

I've had a serious lack of music playing lately. I rediscovered the possibilities of playing the piano (thanks to Dr. Burge and my music 191 class) so I've been doing a fair bit of piano playing lately, but I've not done much with regards to drum-work. I've already talked about the musical apathy of the other "musicians" on the floor so I won't go into that again but seriously now, I need to retain dexterity and strength in my arms somehow. I'm bringing them home for the break.

And so, we head into the thick of December and the holiday season. Things may get a little hectic when I return after exams considering there's only 4 days between the end of my exams and Christmas.

"You guys all graduated from high school and you're here at university and everything's different; or bigger I should say. After you've been here for awhile you're going to realize that things change. I mean sure, most of you went back fo Thanksgiving and you're all probably going to back again for Christmas and it'll all seem like nothing's changed and everything's the same as it was when you left. But go back to your home town in 10 years and you'll realize how small everything is. That's basically how this piece I'm about to play for you is structured too. If you listen to the beginning, you'll here the opening progression that I've written on the board and if you pay close attention, the same progression returns at the end of the piece. But because it modulates a lot and is such a long piece, it doesn't seem like the beginning returns even though I play the same progression; rather, it sounds like a completely different ending. So what I'm basically saying is... you can never go home"
-- Dr. Burge (Music 191 prof)

Dr. Burge is probably the best university professor I have this year and that little speech he gave at the end of our last class gives one furiously to think doesn't it? He plays a Chopin Etude every week and they're usually very energetic but this week's was one of Chopin's few sad sounding Etudes and I think he was trying to impress something more than just the mood of the song onto us.

the town that we lived in the memories shaken apart from the weeds that grow over the sidewalks

It's nearly the end of the first semester and I'm home for the longest stretch of time yet this year (6 days) and it doesn't really seem like anything's changed. I mean, it doesn't really even feel like I've left now that I look around my room and I see all my things exactly the way they were when I left. My family hasn't really changed much either. Have I really been away for that long?

something tells me that you are free again, in a place that feels like home

Yes, I have been away for a good long while. And things HAVE changed whether or not I'm actively conscious of them. I know that right now, I have another home in Kingston and by this time in the year, residence almost feels like home and I know that when I go back, it will again, seem like I'd never left residence.

if every surface you touch is cold, never go home

Then again, when I think about it, this weekend at home hasn't really allowed me to go out and explore every part of the life I used to have. The only thing that I've been able to actually compare is whether or not my family has changed. The answer to that is essentially no. But then again, this weekend has been almost like every other weekend I had last year. I haven't been to TCMS yet, so I don't know how much things have changed. I didn't see Elaine or David or Omair but when I think about it, I didn't seem them last year on weekends either. I saw Grant, but again, last year he was also away for prolonged periods of time so not seeing him for weeks or even months on end is really no different than last year.

out on the front porch, watching the cars as they go by: eighteen blue, twenty one grey

When I saw Steph at PJ's Petstore, the first thing she asked me when I mentioned that I hadn't seen her since July was "have I grown?" which I didn't answer. I didn't really know how to answer that question. Purely in terms of height, I don't think she's grown. But what about the other aspects? I mean, she got her haircut and I guess girls changing their hair styles tend to be a lot more noticeable than guys getting a mere haircut because we do it so much more often. But now that I think about it, she's grown in terms of maturity too. Getting a job is surely a sign as anyone would attest to and from what she's told me about her life this year and how she's juggling school work, work-work, sports, and other stuff, I'm more and more convinced that she HAS grown.

it's never easy to understand, why memories hold our hand, but people let go

We all know that you never notice a change in someone if you talk to them regularly because you slowly grow accustomed to their new character as they progress slowly. I guess the same is true with Grant. When I look back on the way he used to be and the way he is now, there's been definite changing going on. Communicating with him on a regular basis has kinda made me indifferent to his changes, the same way communicating with Stephanie regularly has made me indifferent to her changes. But what about those people that I don't communicate with on a regular basis? If they've all changed as much as Grant and Steph, then it stands a reason that it'll come as a surprise to me the next time we see each other. I guess I'll just have to wait and find out. Have I really come home?

and all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade...